Hard days…

I hate it when I have hard days, especially when I feel like I should know better. I was kind of a jerk yesterday to someone that didn’t deserve it (my cousin’s girlfriend, sorry again Crystal).
Being ‘that time’ of the month, the one I’ve had for many, many years now, you’d think that I would have learned by now that if something is bothering me during this time I should wait until the next week before I say anything about it. I say that for 2 reasons. 1. It may not bother me nearly as much the next week since I won’t be as irritable, and 2. I can at least say things more gently even if it still bothers me just as much.

I really kick myself when I hurt others. Maybe she took it to heart, and maybe she didn’t, but I don’t feel like I can let myself off the hook for my irresponsibility in failing to regulate myself. There is likely a lot of validity to holding myself responsible, but I think sometimes I take it to the extreme. I’m not sure that I know how to balance holding myself responsible to the standards I set for myself and giving myself grace when I’ve made my apologies and try to move forward. I’m trying to find that balance this year. Pastor Miles McPherson, in his book God in the Mirror: Discovering Who You Were Created to Be, says something to the effect of how are we supposed to love others as we love ourselves if we don’t love ourselves? Jesus says in John 15:12 “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” If I don’t live as though Jesus loves me like He says, if I don’t really believe that He loves me with an unwavering love and grace, then how can I love others the same way? You can actually listen to Miles more well-spoken version in his sermon series videos here.

So, if I want to love each of you with the grace and love that I try to believe I am loved with, I need to find that balance. And whether you’re a Christian or not, you can live in a place that hurts a bit less if you find this balance as well. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. Maybe even more so since in not forgiving yourself you are truly hurting both the unforgiven and unforgiving people involved. Of course, true peace is a different matter and I would love to have that conversation with you if you’d like. You can comment below, or use my contact form to send an email. Like what you read? Consider subscribing to my blog to see when I post a new entry.
Much love, Teri

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