Hey friends! I’m finally taking the time to write again. So much has happened and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be transparent, it was just that living it day in and day out took all of my energy. I can’t remember where I was when I wrote last, but I’m pretty sure it was before my latest medication change. I’m now taking Vraylar and it is helping immensely. It lets me experience a full range of emotions, usually without getting caught in them (although there have been times…). I wrote a blog post about my recent journey for Hearts Being Healed, the women’s conference of which I am on the board. Find it here.
I finished my degree in December! I am so proud of my accomplishment, but now I need a job. I’ve had some interviews, and I did a big thing: I started my own freelance social media marketing business. I’m not making any money at that yet, but I’m hoping to build myself a nice little business that eventually allows me to be solely in business for myself. To that end, if you need help marketing your business, whether you offer products or services, check out my Facebook page to schedule an appointment. My rates are highly negotiable at the moment since I’m new, but that won’t be the case forever.
Sometimes, fighting this battle with mental illness, and life in general, feels like it is mostly uphill in the snow both ways (you know, like your dad’s walk to school when he was a kid…😂). Having to be constantly watchful and on-guard against setbacks and abnormal behaviors/thoughts can be thoroughly exhausting. It is also hard when people that care about you don’t understand and blame your mental illness for character traits they just don’t understand. I’m a dreamer. I always have been, and my dreams are important to me. That doesn’t mean I’m manic, it doesn’t mean I’m depressed when someone shoots down my dreams. It simply means I’m an optimistic dreamer that chooses to see the possibilities and give those good outcomes more weight than the possible negative outcomes. It’s hard to put into words how it feels to be misunderstood by the very people you want so desperately to understand you. When all of your character is cast in the light of mental illness rather than in light of WHO YOU ARE, it’s enough to make you want to give up the fight sometimes. If you’re going to be accused of mental illness no matter how well controlled you are, how can you even fight that?
On the other hand, it is good to have people that care about you be watching your back in the fight. Even if, and when, they don’t understand, it helps to know when you might be going off the rails. I know it took me 8 months to realize that the last medication wasn’t helping enough. It’s a catch-22, really, being misunderstood. It can hurt, and it can help. I don’t really have a solution for it. I am so frustrated by it, but I can also see how it can be used as a check-and-balance system to keep in control.
So, on that uncomfortable note, I’ll leave you. I can’t really wrap up in a nice bow what I’m still struggling through. Maybe you can’t, either. If you want to chat about it, hit me up in the comments, or send me an email. I’d love to connect with you and your story, and maybe to be a little light in your current darkness.
Much Love,
Teri
My Real Everyday Life 