How many people are like me? I’ve always been competitive. Not driven to achieve or by achievement, but to be the best just to be better than you at something. Why? Because it makes me feel special. Being better than you at something, anything, gives me perceived value- not true value -but it makes me feel like I am valuable. Sometimes, I take it so far that I’m willing to ruin someone’s day JUST to make myself feel superior. When I look at my actions, does that make me special? Or does it just make me a jerk? Is that the life I want to live? Is that what I want to be known for – being a know-it-all jerk that can’t let anyone else feel like they’re the best at something? Note to self: neither of us is likely the absolute best at whatever it is. Does that decrease our value?
I’d love to say that I’m not deceived by the idea of scarcity. The idea that there’s only so much success, so much value, so much love to go around. If I don’t get mine someone else will. I could rail against society for driving that idea, but really the ‘blame’ lies within me since I don’t challenge the notion. I don’t need to carry deep and lasting shame for it (unless I don’t change), but I bear the responsibility for changing.
Part of what drives this idea is that frankly, resources are scarce. In some cases, there really is only so much success to divvy up. It is hard to separate that success from being a success. With everything that has to compete for our own time, money, & attention, and with all the things we have to compete with for the attention of the people around us, to be able to really connect with them, it’s easy to begin to think of life as a big competition.
Let me be really real here – I get jealous when my mom brings young women home to mentor and they come to our weekly Family Fun Night. Is my mom good at it? Do these girls usually need some form of family? YES! Do I even like them? Mostly, LOL! But I get jealous. Why? Because my mom’s time and attention is a scarce resource. I still have so much in life that I need to figure out (I’m only 34, after all!!!) and even though my mom doesn’t always have the answer, or at least the answer for my situation, she has great wisdom and a love for me that I can’t even fathom and I can almost always bounce ideas off her. Has she ever turned me away to spend time with one of these ladies? Not that I’m aware of… but so much of life seems to be a competition that I think I’m afraid that if I don’t get MY time with her, it will all be gone. [Let’s not talk about the perishability of time…]
What I’ve found to be true, though, is that we make time for what matters to us. I’m not going to talk about what should or shouldn’t matter in this post because I’m not so great at knowing that stuff yet. Do I matter to my husband? Do I matter to my mom? Do I matter to my friends? Do I matter to GOD? This is the real, deep, burning question we’re afraid to ask. It isn’t “Am I the best?” or even, “Am I better than you?” The question I am really asking (rhetorically, here) is DO I MATTER?
Another thing I’m learning? The answer, to at least 1 of those questions, is yes. I matter to God. Yes, I know I matter to Jason and my mom and Danielle and my siblings and my other friends and and and…
I MATTER TO GOD.
Before you think, oh great, she’s getting spiritual again, this isn’t just a spiritual post. But in the words of Jon Foreman, “it’s just water, and I am just soul – with a body of water and bone.”**
Finding my true value has, and still is, hard. It’s still hard to not get tripped up and fall into that competition mindset. So today, I remind myself:
LIFE IS NOT A COMPETITION
Let me tell you, in case you don’t know, YOU MATTER TO GOD. God’s love is not a scarce resource we have to compete with each other for. If you want to know more, comment or send me an email using the contact form. Like what I’m doing here? Consider sharing with your friends.
Much Love, Teri
**”Vice Verses” Switchfoot 2011 Vice Verses
Shout-out to Bonnie for introducing me to this song and album a few years ago. ❤❤❤
My Real Everyday Life 